Their eyes look for tears or blood. I’m too good at both.

I am not afraid of suffering. Fuck you, fuck all of you for being too afraid to live. Bind yourself with your own weakness, I won’t stop you.

I doubt I’ll sleep tonight. Nothing is comfortable. I think a rib on the right side is cracked. Ridiculous, and irritating. The ones from a couple months ago finally stopped bothering me. I don’t know how the fuck I keep cracking ribs just from taking a fall. I bet I’ve had more cracked ribs than a dozen regular people.

Aoife

I was driving a taxi. I stopped for a customer and a woman got in. She started talking, telling me important things about my life in the future. She told me her name was Aoife. At the red light, she got out and disappeared. I don’t know if I should tell Ingram this. I thought today, it’s dangerous to say the names of the dead. Some things shouldn’t be played with.

I also dreamed of honey again. It was thick.

we hid under furniture

A darkened house, twilight maybe. Two women, one we fucked while stabbing to death. The other two of us cut her body into pieces. She looked like a Hans Bellmer. We heard militia coming and hid under the furniture. There was blood everywhere. The two soldiers turned their backs to me, where I was lying under a couch. I crept out silently and attacked them.

S was sick

I dreamed we were sitting in a class, and S was behind me. I turned around to tell him something, and he was shiny with sweat. I touched the back of his neck, and he had fever. The sweat was mixed with blood. There was a white sheet, and I wrapped him in it and tried to figure out where to take him.

It was almost dark. I was walking home, down a cobblestone street and through a park. There was a stall with expensive jewelery in the market. I stole one of the rings. It was darkened silver with pearls. The tag said “1750.”

fight and honey cake

I entered a dark room and there was a woman sitting in a chair. We fought. As I struck her in the head, she started to back away and become transparent and silent.

Someone else entered the room. A woman, I think. She gave me a bag of pearls and a cake of raw honey. I scooped some of the honey with my fingertips and ate it. It was thick.

dreamed of S, black samba woman

I dreamed I was talking to S, his arms around me. When I woke up I told him this, and he said, “hm. redundant.”

I also dreamed I was at a samba de roda and I was dancing with a woman wearing all black.

divers

The streets were flooded with deep water. Divers climbed fire escapes and jacknifed into the narrow spaces between buildings.